Self-Sabotage

Time is going too fast. I blinked and its already Thursday! To be honest, I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed lately. I wish there was a way to just pause life for a day to catch up on everything I feel behind in…. School, Housework, Random Projects, Work Projects, Vacation, Family time… But that’s not going to happen, So I’m trying to figure out how to be more aware of how I spend my time.

Lately a lot of my time has been focused on taking control of my health and fitness, as I’m sure you’ve noticed. A few 5am CrossFit workouts, lots of miles in between, and choosing to fuel my body right. It’s work. I enjoy it most of the time because I feel stronger, healthier, better. I had a good week last week. Tomorrow is the week 2 check in and I haven’t seen as big of numbers as I did last week. I struggled with some discouragement and self doubt at the beginning of the week. Heck, let’s be honest here… I struggle with self doubt more often than I’d like to admit. I have “started” and re-started weight loss programs, goals and lifestyles more times than I can count. Some times they have been flippant attempts to quiet the guilty voice in my head. But the last 2 years (since having Little Dreamer, really) I have been seriously passionate about it. I guess she is good motivation. I’ve been following quite a few Healthy Living Blogs in that time as well. This is where it gets kinda sticky…

See that comparison trap is lethal. I see amazing transformations of people who chose to make healthy living a priority. I start to compare myself to them. That voice of self doubt comes and tells me I will never be able to be that fit. I mean, I’ve already been trying to lose weight seriously for 2 years… and while I’ve lost all the weight from pregnancy… I’m only a few pounds away from where I was before baby. I start to wonder if I’ll ever be able to be where I want to be. Will I ever be fast enough? fit enough? strong enough? Sure I’ve made some noticeable improvements, but then I start to discount them. I sabatoge my own progress. It’s really a vicious cycle.

This time around I am more determined than ever to find my inner strength and translate that into outer strength. It’s time to stop listening to the voice of doubt. Stop discounting the progress that I have made. Stop sabotaging myself. It’s time to be painfully honest.

I have to start believing in myself. Don’t let the inner fat girl keep telling me I can’t. Because I can.

This song has been on my heart lately, such an encouragement for the struggles that I’ve been walking through.

“So what are you waiting for? What do you have to lose? Your insecurities try to hold to you. You know you’re made for more, so don’t be afraid to move. Your faith is all it takes and you can walk on the water too…”

step out.
Even when its storming
step out.
Even when you’re broken
step out.
Even when your heart is telling you telling you to give up
step out.
When your hope is stolen
step out.
You can’t see where you’re going
You don’t have to be afraid

Have you ever struggled with self-doubt or self-sabotage?