Somedays I wake up with a pep in my step ready to take on the day and whatever challenges it may bring.
Today was not one of those days.
It wasn’t a bad day either, it just…. was.
I looked around my house and tried to ignore the overflowing sink of dishes, crumbs on the floor, toys strewn about and tried my best to drown out the sounds of preschool shows on tv…. and for awhile I just sat.
It’s not that often that we just are.
Usually we are _________. You fill in the blank… cleaning, studying, late, on our way, eating, running, crafting…. but we hardly take the time to just be.
It’s in those times, few and far between as they are, that I am still enough to hear my heart speak. Usually it talks in questions.
Are you where you thought you would be?
Are you heading where you want to go?
What does life really mean?
Am I as different from those around me as I feel?
And usually as I start to ponder I get pulled from my quiet introspection by the cutest squeal “MOOOOMMMMMYYYYY”
and boom! back to reality. While I reset the DVR of Mickey Mouse Clubhouse for the gazillionth time the questions still linger.
I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I am blessed to be where I am, investing so much time and energy into managing my household and raising a family. But there is part of me that comes out in those quiet moments that says there is something I’m missing.
Maybe it’s all those years invested in ministry, when serving becomes like a drug and you need your next fix. Maybe it’s those dreams of a 15 year old me desperate to pack up and move to the jungles of South America to bring the love of Christ. Or Maybe I just had too much coffee.
Whatever it is, it’s a nagging feeling. It usually comes out every time I start to feel “settled” in whatever stage of life I am currently in. Oftentimes it’s that feeling that lets me know change is on the way…. keeps me on my toes, you know.
Ah well, now that i’ve left you with my random inner mumblings… here’s a few cute pictures to make you feel warm and fuzzy inside….
imperfectly courtney 