overwhelmed.

this mama is tired. i know i haven’t written on here in awhile… things have been crazy. since the last time i wrote i started my first term of college classes and i went back to work after being home for 12 weeks on maternity leave. it was hecka hard to say good bye to my baby girl on that first day. i didn’t cry as much as the week went on. it was a hard adjustment. while going back to work meant i didn’t see my baby girl all day, it also meant i didn’t exercise much. good news is i didn’t gain any weight. bad news was i didn’t lose any either. at the end of my second week back at work i was laid off. it wasn’t that unexpected considering the whole company is shutting down. i was actually relieved to be able to spend the days back at home with my little payton. i felt like all last week i was playing catch up with the housework and schoolwork. its crazy how laundry and dishes pile up when you’re not constantly doing them. i feel like i’m just starting to get back into the routine. i’m not gonna lie, it is still hard to find balance. just when you think you have a routine down she starts a growth spurt or begins teething. she has been extra cranky lately which makes for one tired mommy. while she still naps quite a bit i spend all the time i can working on my college classes when she is asleep. the problem with that is i find it hard to focus on schoolwork when the house isn’t clean, so i spend just as much time trying to keep the house clean. sometimes i just feel like i’m in a whirlwind of laundry, excel budget spreadsheets, shopping lists, dishes and diapers. some days i just feel emotional. and don’t want to do anything. then right in that moment when i feel like my head is about to explode i get a text or IM from my amazing husband… or a big gummy smile from my precious girl… and thats just what i need to recharge. i’ve learned quite a bit. like i’ve learned its ok to put her up in her crib for awhile if shes crying and i just need a mommy moment ((which is what i’m doing right now)) sometimes i just need a moment to recharge and refocus and remember why i do what i do. because i love it. and i love my husband. and i love my baby.