Life

Press Pause.

Somedays I feel like I’m on top of the world. I’ve worked so hard and come so far and I know that. I celebrate my victories and progress. I’m a completely different person than I was 4 years ago. Hell, I’m a different person than I was 8 months ago. Focusing on these victories make it easy to keep on keeping on.

4yearprogress

I’ve lost roughly 60 lbs and 4 sizes.
I’ve conquered fears and found confidence.
and I feel unstoppable.
Thanks, CrossFit. ha.

But then there are other days… Days when I struggle with how far I have to go. Days when I think I should be further by now. Days when I question myself. Days when I say screw it all and eat whatever I want. Days when life just happens and all the work going into thinking about food and workouts are just too much…

For the most part I’d say the better days win out 80% of the time. But these last 6 weeks or so I’ve been struggling with the bad days more often. From Christmas, to our CrossFit box moving, and spending a week on a Disney cruise I sort of let my guard down. Life was overwhelming. Being on point 100% of the time is exhausting. I had been pushing hard really since June and had barely any breathers. Training 6 days a week and eating on plan 90% of the time. I just felt worn out. I hated the scale. PRs were hard to come by. More than just my body, my brain was fried.

So, I gave myself permission to press pause.

I didn’t “give up” or “relapse”… I didn’t shove oreos in my face (even though I totally would have if there had been any in my house)… I sorta followed a meal plan but let myself have what I wanted. I didn’t stress about hitting macros on my meal plan or percentages at the gym. Frankly, I didn’t have time too. I ate out far more often than I should have and enjoyed every minute. When we were on our cruise I took full advantage of it and lived it up.

drinkitup

I ate, I drank, and I was merry!

I didn’t rush back into it and guilt myself over my past indulgences. When we got back I eased back into a reasonable meal plan and workout routine. Then last week I went to my regular doctor for a check up and she noticed my weight was up. I met with my nutrition coach the next day and he said the same thing. Not in a condemning way at all either, which I was thankful for. You see I was completely conscious of every decision I made over the last 6 weeks or so. I knew I wasn’t getting any leaner by eating the way I was. I still made decent decisions though, so it isn’t as bad as it could have been.

So, I’m getting back on track. This week is my focus week. To get myself back to being focused, driven, and excited about reaching goals. Right now my main goals are to do well during the CrossFit Open and to get back down to a lower body fat percentage. According to my scale I gained 9lbs since the beginning of december. Not the worst that could have happened, but not good either. Once we get through the CrossFit open I’m seriously looking into having surgery to remove excess skin from my weight loss. But that’s another post for another day…

I want to stay accountable, so I plan on getting back to posting and sharing this journey with you. If there is even one person out there who sees my story and is inspired to change their life it is worth it. That is why I share not just the good, but the bad and the ugly as well. Thanks for sticking with me on this!

How do you keep yourself motivated?
Have you ever needed to press pause on your goals for awhile? 

9 thoughts on “Press Pause.”

  1. I couldn’t agree more with this! I’ve seriously been in such a workout/eating funk the past few weeks/months that it’s been driving me crazy. Luckily, I think we’re both coming out of this funk at the same time. Can’t wait to hear about your continued journey and the Open! 🙂

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      1. There are a ton of movements I still don’t have Rx, or in general! I honestly did it last year just so I can have a benchmark to prove to myself how I’ve improved since then. Yeah, there’s always the fun competition within the box and amongst friends but that was the ‘fun’ part. There was one wod that had thrusters and chest to bar pullups. I’d say 75% of the girls at my box only got through the 15 thrusters and then spent the remaining 10 mins trying to get one chest to bar pullup. Most didn’t get any but that was ok! If all else fails? Just have fun! 🙂

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  2. I think the fact that you enjoyed your time away and made the CONSCIOUS decision to relax speaks volumes on the emotional/mental growth you’ve done! The fact that you can live your life without the feeling of guilt is AWESOME. You shouldn’t feel guilty at all! 😀

    And you took a sensible approach when you came back. No “all or nothing” vibes, just a clean and healthy attitude.

    Basically, I love you.

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  3. Heck I’ve pressed pause a few times on this journey. Pausing doesn’t mean going back to old ways it simply means taking some time to enjoy life in it’s current state. I’ve found these periods of “pause” have been essential to my success, it’s taught me balance and what maintenance is all about. I had a big funky a while ago and I just couldn’t break it. Thankfully one day something just cleared and I was able to hit “play”. We’re hear to support you during any phase in this journey. xoxo.

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    1. Balance is key! Its something I’ve been fighting to achieve for some time. I think with our nose to the grindstone going hard all the time is just exhausting, we need a breather. And that’s ok. I’m excited to read more about your journey, I have a consult with a surgeon at the end of the month!

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  4. I love your honesty! I know exactly how you feel and it’s a struggle I have lost roughtly 45 pounds in the last four years and have about 50 more to go. If it takes me another two years to lose the rest of the weight. So be it, as long as I am going in the right direction and learning new things about myself which I don’t think I would have learned if I had lost the weight in 6 months or year. There is always experiences and lessons to be learned along the way. Thanks for sharing this post :).

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