Press Pause.

Somedays I feel like I’m on top of the world. I’ve worked so hard and come so far and I know that. I celebrate my victories and progress. I’m a completely different person than I was 4 years ago. Hell, I’m a different person than I was 8 months ago. Focusing on these victories make it easy to keep on keeping on.

I’ve lost roughly 60 lbs and 4 sizes.
I’ve conquered fears and found confidence.
and I feel unstoppable.
Thanks, CrossFit. ha.

But then there are other days… Days when I struggle with how far I have to go. Days when I think I should be further by now. Days when I question myself. Days when I say screw it all and eat whatever I want. Days when life just happens and all the work going into thinking about food and workouts are just too much…

For the most part I’d say the better days win out 80% of the time. But these last 6 weeks or so I’ve been struggling with the bad days more often. From Christmas, to our CrossFit box moving, and spending a week on a Disney cruise I sort of let my guard down. Life was overwhelming. Being on point 100% of the time is exhausting. I had been pushing hard really since June and had barely any breathers. Training 6 days a week and eating on plan 90% of the time. I just felt worn out. I hated the scale. PRs were hard to come by. More than just my body, my brain was fried.

So, I gave myself permission to press pause.

I didn’t “give up” or “relapse”… I didn’t shove oreos in my face (even though I totally would have if there had been any in my house)… I sorta followed a meal plan but let myself have what I wanted. I didn’t stress about hitting macros on my meal plan or percentages at the gym. Frankly, I didn’t have time too. I ate out far more often than I should have and enjoyed every minute. When we were on our cruise I took full advantage of it and lived it up.

I ate, I drank, and I was merry!

I didn’t rush back into it and guilt myself over my past indulgences. When we got back I eased back into a reasonable meal plan and workout routine. Then last week I went to my regular doctor for a check up and she noticed my weight was up. I met with my nutrition coach the next day and he said the same thing. Not in a condemning way at all either, which I was thankful for. You see I was completely conscious of every decision I made over the last 6 weeks or so. I knew I wasn’t getting any leaner by eating the way I was. I still made decent decisions though, so it isn’t as bad as it could have been.

So, I’m getting back on track. This week is my focus week. To get myself back to being focused, driven, and excited about reaching goals. Right now my main goals are to do well during the CrossFit Open and to get back down to a lower body fat percentage. According to my scale I gained 9lbs since the beginning of december. Not the worst that could have happened, but not good either. Once we get through the CrossFit open I’m seriously looking into having surgery to remove excess skin from my weight loss. But that’s another post for another day…

I want to stay accountable, so I plan on getting back to posting and sharing this journey with you. If there is even one person out there who sees my story and is inspired to change their life it is worth it. That is why I share not just the good, but the bad and the ugly as well. Thanks for sticking with me on this!

How do you keep yourself motivated?
Have you ever needed to press pause on your goals for awhile?