Friday. Ah yes, it is Friday. Time for our coffee date! I am really glad you stopped by, I love to chat with you! Grab your cup o’joe and let’s pick the comfy chairs so we can stay awhile… because I have a lot on my mind.
If we were having coffee I would try out an Americano. I made one at home today and it was pretty good. I’ve been trying to change things around to not get bored with plain black coffee. I do add some canned coconut milk on occasion but it doesn’t make that big of a difference to me. I would tell you I’m actually surprised at how well I’m handling not having creamer in my coffee during the Whole30. It’s not nearly as bad as I expected it to be.
If we were having coffee I would want to talk to you a bit about friendship. See, I always had an easy time making friends. From being little and having friends in dance class, to finding friends in high school and youth group, and becoming close with my roommates in my internship program it just all seemed so easy. Friendships were born out of convenience. Then I got married and moved across the country and it became all too clear which friendships had roots that went deep and which friendships were merely friendships because we were always around each other.
If we were having coffee I would confide in you that I really miss having friends. For some reason over the last 6 years I’ve been married finding good girl friends has been so difficult. I’ve come close to having those soul sister relationships a few times over the years, only to have the relationships completely disintegrate for one reason or another. It is heart breaking when that happens. And it makes it all the more difficult to put myself out there again in fear of being hurt or rejected.
If we were having coffee I would ask you why friendship has to be so hard as a grown up. I would shrug my shoulders and sip away at my coffee wondering if you had the answers… because I have been looking for awhile now and I just can’t seem to find them.
I’m sure you’d wonder where this all came from – and I’d tell you that having a friend come visit last weekend reminded me of how amazing it can be to have someone to share life with. To laugh and cry with, to run with, to talk with, to struggle with. Yes- my husband is (and always will be) my best friend… but sometimes I just need some girl time. And not the kind where we all sit around the table and pretend to be perfect. I miss having those raw friendships. Accountability. Honesty. Raw and Real conversations. Where we aren’t afraid to challenge each other. I had that this weekend (Thanks, Em!) There is nothing more real than pushing your physical limits with someone (and living to tell about it!) and I loved it.
If we were having coffee I would ask you if maybe I’m too intimidating. Too honest. Too real. I would ask you if that puts people off. Or maybe it’s because I’m not afraid to push the limits and to actually do what I dream about doing.
Regardless of if you had the answers or not, I would be thankful to you just for listening to my emotional rant. And hope that it didn’t scare you away.
Now that i’ve finished my rambling… It’s your turn!
If we were having coffee what would you tell me?
linking up with alissa.
imperfectly courtney 
My fiance and I are getting married in July and two weeks later are moving from PA to Nebraska. I’ve never lived in the midwest and don’t have any family or close friends there. I really hope I can make more friends like the kind you describe. My best friends from highschool are amazing, we can be completely honest with one another with no walls or boundaries. That is such a rarity and such a gift.
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Moving is tough! It was hard for me because I worked from home – but I found some friends through my church and gym. It’s all about putting yourself out there… but that’s hard!
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friendship is hard when you get older and have a family cause you end up doin a lot of stuff as a family (i think) and finding female friends that have outgrown the high school crap (im 30 and still finding the high school crap at many turns) is hard too. just know that you arent alone… and my mom would tell me, its only as hard as you wanna make it. so know that i feel ya and i have my mom in my head i guess hehe
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Ugh – yea it is hard! We’d love to have some other friends as a family but it seems like everyone is stuck in their own little bubble. We’ve put ourselves out there several times and just not gotten the reciprocation you know? and high school crap – does it ever end? ha.
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You’re not TOO anything. If there’s one thing I require in a friend, it’s “love me for me” – and I can be obnoxious, loud, opinionated, lazy, and much more. But I’m also loving, generous, thoughtful, soulful, and more. I also love long walks on the beach…
That said, it’s so hard to strike up new friendships as an adult. Usually friends are found where you are most: work. Which sucks, because proxy friendships aren’t always the strongest. Make the most of the friends you’ve got, and do your best to make new ones. A soul sister can come at anytime!
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Such words of truth – I neeeeed people to love me for me! I struggle even with work friends because I work from home! It seems like the way to meet new people is to join some sort of group/hobby… but I don’t have time for that. see the problem? lol
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Most of my old high school friends decided to choose between my ex or me. A lot stuck with him since they are all still in party mode. This left me alone and searching for new friends. I have found most online, but no one to hang out with. Josh is my best friend, but like you I need girl time. Now that we are in Springfield, I have joined a mom’s group to help Zoe and I find friends. So far we are still alone, but hopeful that we make friends soon. Hope you do too! xoxo
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I haven’t been a big commenter lately (on any blogs) because my job keeps me so busy and I am worn out at night and don’t keep up as much. But, this popped up on my newsfeed and just based on the title, I had to read.
I have let broken friendships really hurt me, when it seems to be a common thing among adult women. I get that life is busy and our priority becomes family but I agree with you in that we all need a little girl time. For a while I was thinking there was something wrong with me because I have no long term friends. Hell, maybe there is, but it’s honestly good to know that I’m not the only one out there experiencing this. Wish you lived close, I’d love to hang out with ya!
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I grew out of my high school relationships and spent most of my early-adult years dating, engaged, and then married, really with no opportunities to develop any new girl relationships. Even when that marriage ended, I had already alienated any friends I had, and then just ended right back in another long-term relationship.. which again, came to an end, leaving me friendless.
I have my sisters, which I think filled that void for some time, but even then, we are so different (one runs, yet won’t ever do a race with me; the other feeds off my mother and doesn’t work.. ) and it would be nice to have a girlfriend with something in common with.
I think that is why I have found such a happy place in the blogging world; I have some “best friends” here and even if I haven’t met them yet, I know I can rant, rave, and whatever and they’ll listen, and be supportive, no matter what. I haven’t found a way to find that in my adult life..
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Same boat. Everyone seems to want to party still, and as a single Mother, this is hard for me. Yeah sometimes going out for a drink or two is nice or my friends all live fairly far away. It’s part of why I am so grateful for the internet, and the friends I’ve made online.
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I feel your pain. I’ve always had a bff until as of late. My boyfriend is without a doubt my best friend, but I miss that girl time and having the female aspect. I had a dear friend who also is my one yr old’s godmother, then she spent four months in Spain and came back a different person and we have spoken maybe a handful of times. I had a best friend who one day stopped talking to me because her other friends told her lies about me cause they didn’t like how close we were. We recently reconnected after three yrs, but things are not the same. What is it about getting older? I miss my friends. I miss girls nights. I miss talking with them.
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I could not agree more. I have invested so much time in friendships that have no materialized, or great ones which have (as you said) disintegrated for one reason or another. It is really disheartening, and each time it happens, I find myself wanting to put myself out there a little less than I did before.
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you are so right. it is hard. I only live 20 minutes from where I grew up yet those friendships arent my strongest or closest. Stuff happens. I agree that real “raw” friendships are the best. nice to be able to throw it all out there, challenge each other and not be offended. I thnk not everyone is capable of handling and/or appreciating this though. its about finding those people and hanging on. Are there any local running clubs where you could try to meet some new people?
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I meant ‘that have *never* materialized’. 🙂
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Good girl friends are hard to come by. That is for sure. I have a few close girls and I hold onto them for dear life. Even in high school I never had that quantity over quality mentality. I will always take one amazingly, loving, supportive friend over a million girls who will pretend to care and then betray you at a moments notice. Surprisingly I feel very close to some of my fellow bloggers and I have only ever met them online so far. Friendship can spring out of the most unlikely places.
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I am a crossfit addict too!! Glad to see that you are. I have heard a lot about the Whole30! I dont follow paleo completely but I love lots of paleo dishes!Girl time is so important, I know exactly what you mean. Sometimes you just need that other person (besides your husband) to hang with!
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Girltime is something I so missed as a new wife and when I had young kids. As they are growing older and in school I’m desperate for girl time, and my husband, thankfully understands this. Finding good true friends in our late 20s – 30s is SO HARD because we often don’t have the time to invest in them the way we did in school and college. Keep investing and don’t be afraid to have your heart broken. A good true friend is coming, Courtney. You are so kind a soul, it will come for you soon.
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Hello pumpkin noodle!
I feel your pain… I am very easy going, chill, I bend over backwards for the ones I hold close and I go MILES around confrontation, even if it means I get thrown under the bus. Yet… I’ve had a few “friendships” completely waste away for seemingly odd reasons.
My time is split between family & work. My hubby is my bestie, we spending basically all of our free time with each other but I crave/miss having estrogen fests with friends.
I am also very honest, love a TMI/deep conversation and if a friends asks me an honest question, I’ll give them an honest answer. Some “friends” don’t like honest answers & even though I NEVER use hateful language or cut to the core; sometimes, I think a portion of my friends only need/want me when I pay them lip service & become their yes man.
But God didn’t give us close friends to be “yes men” (women)
He gave us close friends so that we could be honest with each other when the rest of the world is just sugar coating meaningless words.
I wish I lived closer to you, I think we would have a grand time..
Keep your adorable head up; you have an entire army of friends around you 🙂
Keep it saucy CoNo!
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Making new friends is so hard as we get older. I have 2 friends that I have carried over from childhood, but finding new ones is difficult. I dont know the answer to making new ones, but I think it is just that we are all so busy. With my old friends they understand, new ones, not so much. When you figure out the answer let me know!
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Great post BTW!!! I would love to actually have coffee with you.
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Making friends as an adult is SO HARD! I totally feel the same way, and I know others do too. You’re not alone, and I’m not sure how to make it easier, or how to make friends, or keep friendships like it used to be easy. If you figure it out, let me know… or if you wanna brainstorm about it, I’d love to chat 🙂
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I think you bring up a great point! And ironically what I’m doing right now is part of my problem. Online is just so easy and convenient in terms of friendships. But like you said, we still need that friend to connect with. I really like what MamaLaughlin said about unplugging at a certain point each day. That coupled with flat out scheduling time for it is what I think I need to do. I also want to find like minded women who want to help build each other up: not compare or tell me how perfect their lives are!
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Unfortunately, I think friendships change as we get older. Old friendships change as life changes and it is harder to make new friends because it takes a lot of effort to truly get to know someone. As wives and Mommies, we don’t have a lot of time to invest in new friendships . . . sad as that is.
I get sad at times, too, because I don’t feel like I have a lot (or hardly any) real friends. I have lots of acquaintances but not a lot of people that I would consider close friends. Of course, it does require me to put myself “out there” to reach that level of friendship and honestly, most of the time, I just don’t have that much energy. 😦
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Great post. I know exactly how you feel! I had a “group” of best girlfriends all through high school, but have yet to find that some feeling in my adult life. I miss those days of having built in friendships and people to call. I have friends where I’m at, but not the “bosom buddies”. Maybe that’s born out of having a history? My girlfriends and I still get together once or twice a year for a visit, and when I leave I always miss them more! I think as adults, employees, moms, etc we don’t have the time we did when we were younger to focus on friendships. Very great post! Loved reading it and you have me thinking!
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Another single mom. I have some surface level friendships but have a hard time connecting and getting deeper with them. Is it because I don’t have the time? Because I’m afraid of getting that close to anyone again? It’s so hard when I am the primary for my 2 girls and they are active and I want some ‘me’ time to myself. *sigh* I don’t even have that husband to chat with or vent to. It’s rough. 😦
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I feel like once you get older it gets even harder to make friends. Everyone is so busy… It takes time to get to know someone on an intimate friend level. Plus when you have kids and do play dates you can’t really even talk to each other because you are watching your kids. I have one or two pretty close friends but that’s it.
I didn’t read any of the comments before I posted mine but I just did. We are all on the same page. No time… and it’s not something I would be willing to make time for.
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I totally agree – it is SO much harder. Play dates seemed like a good idea until I spend the whole time making sure my kid doesn’t beat up the other kid. I get that there are seasons for friendships, but I don’t want that to mean there is a season with NO friendships at all! Everytime I go out of my way to hang out with other adult women I am glad I did, but it is SO much work to make it happen!
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I feel the same way. Grown-up friendships are hard and I have no idea why! I don’t understand, seeing as we all want to make friends, why it’s so hard to actually make it happen! At times it feels like grown-up friendships are like trying to start dating! Seeing as how you and I live our lives online that is where most of my friends are now. I spend a lot of time texting and FaceTime-ing friends. Although it would be awesome to have someone to go shopping with or have a coffee with face-to-face without a wi-fi connection. All that being said I’ve become amazing friends with someone I met on instagram and we’re actually traveling to vacation with them this summer!
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OH man do I ever agree with you. It’s like that uncomfortable first date feeling where you both are unsure of the other and wondering if this will really work. I have several online friends – and I’m thankful for that (I consider you one of them!) Sometimes I have this weird insecurity with online friendships too… wondering if they met me in real life would they like me or do they just like the online me? Stupid insecurity! I would love to have a shopping friend/coffee date in real life friend but I’ll take what I can get for now!
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I totally understand where you’re coming from. I moved from Chicago to Florida when I was 28 years old and it took several years until I found 1 really good friend.
One of my best friends these days is someone I met through my blog. 🙂
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Love blogging for that reason! I’ve met tons of amazing people online – and those friends are important. But sometimes you just need that girl to go shopping with while you talk about the frustrations of parenting… or have coffee or workout together, ya know? I guess that comes with putting yourself out there more – but the more I do the more I get hurt… its a vicious cycle!
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I love this post Courtney! I am an introvert (why I love writing) and have a bit of social anxiety. Besides my husband, I can honestly say have maybe 5 friends – 2 of whom I actually consider my best friends because we have been best friends since we were 2 and our parents are also friends. I have a billion acquaintances, but very few people I would really call true friends. I don’t spend a lot of time with other people besides my hubby and sometimes I really do just need some girl time. Thankfully my real BFF is moving back to STL at the end of this month and I’ll finally have that girl time, “I can tell you anything” friend again. Thanks for sharing! You’re certainly not alone! 🙂
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I used to be a total extrovert, but sometimes I feel like I haven’t practiced enough to know how to be extroverted anymore! I work from home so there aren’t even work friends around. I usually feel like I have tons of acquaintances and people I “know” but there is always that awkwardness when we are together… its very much surface talk. Because I’m so quick to be honest and open and really hide nothing I think it freaks people out, so I scare off the acquaintances before they move to the friendship level. Plus life as a business owner/student/mother/wife/blogger gets so busy that having “off” time to be a friend too is tough. Ah well, we live and learn!
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I am in the same boat, too! It seems harder as you get older. My close friend from high school isn’t married, so while we’re still close, we’re at different places in our lives. I live a little west of St Louis. I hope this doesn’t sound weird….feel free to email me (I don’t blog anymore, so I wouldn’t see the comment) if you’d like to meet up for real coffee some time! Harpie1980 – yahoo.
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Oh- I’m West of St Louis as well! What area are you in? We are in Wentzville! I would love to have a coffee date! Yay for real life friends!
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I’m just about to publish an article about the benefits of coffee for your health and fitness – and found your blog.
I enjoyed reading your article and totally agree about how important a close friend is.
I don’t have many really close friends, but the ones I do, I cheerish and make the effort to keep in contact with.
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I love coffee. Thanks for stopping by! Friends are important for sure.
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I have been thinking about this post. I am at the same point in my life…a bit lonely. But, I have to say it is for different reasons. is probably women like me that are causing the problems you are describing in your life! I have 5 busy kids and am a stay at h e mom. Don’t get me wrong, I am so blessed and have everything I ever wanted. I grew up with a really tight group of girlfriends. I think–actually I know– I have taken my friendships for granted. And now that my kids are older, I really feel lonely and need yo reconnect with the girls I have neglected. Whay I do really believe ow as an adult is that a great friend now can really be exceptional! Good luck to you. I will look forward to your updates!
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I think we are all guilty of taking friendships for granted. Friendships take work when life starts getting in the way. I think that’s what makes them fade, you know. If we are all a bit more intentional with our friendships maybe we can fix these problems!
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I am in the same boat! All of my friends moved away….and it has become so hard to make friends as an adult. I always had lots of friends, and like you said…it was always easy.
What happened?
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