music has always meant a lot to me. certain songs hit me right in the heart. a lot of songs have made me cry. some make me laugh. i always tend to find myself identifying with one of the “characters” in the song. there are songs that become “anthems” of certain times in my life. some songs have no real meaning in and of themselves, but carry a memory. “my boo” by usher reminds me of my first boyfriend. “roses” by outkast and “yeah” by usher remind me of my junior prom. “save a horse ride a cowboy” reminds me of senior year military ball. “chasing cars” by snow patrol and “hey there delilah” by Plain white T’s remind me of when chris and I were dating. And of course all those girly fall in love songs…. I always was the girl searching for love. Rebecca St James “Wait for me” was a song I held on to for a long time.
Anyway, all of that to say this… Yesterday I was listening to some Taylor Swift. Her song “Fifteen” came on. Usually I find myself remembering my first day of 9th grade (and shaking my head as I remember the bright orange shirt and floor length jean skirt that I wore… and thought was cool. ugh) but this time those weren’t the first thoughts that came to my head. she sings “then you’re on your very first date and he’s got a car and you’re feelin like flyin. your mama’s waiting up…..” suddenly i wasn’t the young girl searching for love, i was the mom waiting up for her baby girl. it was my first thought. my perspective changed. i started thinking about Payton’s first date. her crushes. how to deal with her heartbreak (or how to break the legs of the guy who breaks her heart). I know she’s not even walking yet, dating is a long way off…. But it was a big deal for me to realize the characters i identified with have changed. I’ve been through a lot of heartbreak and gained a lot of wisdom. I realize now that I can try my hardest to impart that to Payton, but sometimes you do just have to learn for yourself. Watching her learn those lessons isn’t easy. Sometimes you don’t know the stove is hot until you touch it yourself. Those lessons are the ones that mean the most.
Anyway, I know I’m rambling now. You should have seen me yesterday, I was a blubbering idiot. Some days I’m thankful I’m home alone so people don’t have to see me like that. ha. so, cheers to “growing up” and thinking more mommy like.