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Never Say Never
Never. Again. I swore up and down that I would never get married again. I had fallen for the “happily ever after” trap once and was not going to make that mistake again. As a very young and naive barely twenty year old, I met a boy that I thought was my white knight. He came riding in on his high horse to rescue me from the chaos and instability of my life in that moment. In my desperation to feel loved and accepted, I lost myself. It wasn’t all at once, but piece by piece I willingly sacrificed nearly everything that made me who I am to gain that…
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The Birth Story.
Wow, as I sit here and write this I can hardly believe how much has changed in the last week. Last Sunday was my official due date… The day I had counted down for. It seemed so far away for so long! My parents, Chris and I actually went out sledding on my due date (I just took pictures, no sledding for me). Chris and I also decided to paint the wall in our bedroom that we had been putting off painting. I had been having contractions off and on for awhile. Last Saturday I was actually on the verge of going to the hospital because I thought it was…
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insomnia.
Once again I find myself unable to sleep. I tossed and turned in bed for about an hour, then for the sake of my soundly sleeping husband decided to come downstairs so he could continue to rest. I looked out the window to find the ground covered in a thick blanket of white. Something about that seems so magical… at least it does from the inside looking out. I’d change my mind rather quickly if I had to go out in it I’m sure. Fast Forward a few hours…. Its now almost 9am. I drifted off to sleep for a short 30 minutes and then woke up to make sure…
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the waiting game.
so here I am sitting downstairs in a dark quiet house at 6:30 in the morning because I just can’t seem to get back to sleep. I wish I could say it was horrible contraction pains that woke me up, but it wasn’t. I have been having some mild contractions off and on, but nothing to warrant a trip to the hospital. I was so sure that I would have this baby already… but apparently she has other plans. I know, I know… first time moms usually go “late”… but I was sure I was different. So, I find myself home on maternity leave and running out of things to…
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exhausted!
its barely after 10pm and i’m completely exhausted. i feel like i’m in a constant state of exhaustion at this point. we are nearing week 36 of pregnancy and i’m honestly struggling. everything takes extra effort at this point. the reality that she is almost here sinks in more and more every day. last tuesday i went to the doctor and found out she has dropped and is in the right position and i’m 1cm dilated. i am so excited, but have such a hard time envisioning what life will be like once shes here. i’m just trying to stay rested at this point, but thats hard to do. chris…
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reflections.
my thoughts these days seem so random and jumbled. usually i can process several things at once without feeling overwhelmed, but these days that is not the case. it seems like all of my thoughts got thrown into a blender on high speed. i’m blaming it on the pregnancy hormones. we are heading into week 35. usually the new year brings deep reflections of the previous year and goals and excitement for the year to come. this year that isn’t the case. sad to say it seems to just be merging into last year…. i guess usually i anticipate the holidays so much and new years is the pinnacle of…