Courtney
Writer, mom, and licensed therapist exploring what it means to heal, unlearn, and rewrite your story.
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Learning To Take Up Space
A mom’s journey through shame, strength, and self-care I woke up at 5:19am, one minute before my alarm was scheduled to go off. I scramble to turn off my alarm before it goes off, hoping to not wake my exhausted husband. I stumble into the bathroom where I laid out my gym clothes. I don’t love the early wake ups, but it’s the only time I can make it to the gym and I have to prioritize taking care of myself or I’ll burnout (more than I already am). I’m proud of myself for even making it to the gym. It’s weird to say that after 5+ years of my…
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Drafted: Tiny Cracks
This post is part of the “Drafted” series — reflections on how spiritual performance shaped my faith, identity, and sense of purpose. This post steps out of the timeline. I had planned to keep things in order.To walk through the year the way it unfolded: chronologically, event by event.But revisiting my journals stopped me in my tracks. Because under the schedule, beneath the sermons,there was another story being written.A quieter one.A slower unraveling. Now, I’m holding the pages I once wrote in shaking hands—my 18-year-old self, trying so hard to be good, to be useful, to be holy.These journals were meant to mark my transformation.But reading them now, I see…
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Drafted: Honor Bound
This post is part of the “Drafted” series —reflections on how spiritual performance shaped my faith, identity, and sense of purpose. In Called for Life, I wrote to my 17-year-old self with the compassion and clarity I didn’t have back then. Now, I’ve arrived at the place that calling led me:The Honor Academy.Where “honor” wasn’t just expected — it was required.And belonging came at the cost of becoming. They told us we were called to live lives of honor.But honor wasn’t always about the heart.It became a performance. A pursuit.I curated holiness so well, even I didn’t see myself slipping beneath it. I arrived at the Honor Academy with more…
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Drafted: Called for Life
This post is part of the “Drafted” series—reflections on how spiritual performance, religious systems, and a desperate desire to belong shaped my understanding of faith, purpose, and identity. I’ve already shared how it started.The enlistment at the altar.The moment I first felt “called to go.”My first brush with spiritual training.What it was like to step onto the missions field.And what it felt like to come home and no longer recognize myself in familiar places. But this post is different. This time, I’m not just recounting a moment—I’m opening a time capsule. What follows is a breakdown of a missionary support letter I wrote on December 27, 2004. I was 17…
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Drafted: Foreign on Familiar Ground
Coming back didn’t feel like coming home 📖 This picks up after Part Four — Counting Conversions & Carrying the Cost — where I began to question the currency of worth in ministry, and what it meant to measure impact by salvation tallies. But the story begins long before Garden Valley. In From Altar Calls to Enlistment, I wrote about how a child’s ache to belong was baptized as calling. Then, in Signed, Sealed, Sent, I explored what it meant to disappear in the name of devotion — convinced that being willing to go made me worthy of love. Boots on Holy Ground followed the moment I was sent, ready…
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Drafted: Counting Conversions and Carrying the Cost
I didn’t just count conversions—I started using them to count my value. Drafted is the story of a girl who was told she was called, chosen, and set apart — before she even knew who she was. It’s about the rush of revival weekends, the pressure to be holy, and the slow, silent trade of identity for belonging. I grew up on the frontlines of teenage Christianity, armed with a Bible, a purity ring, and a deep need to be enough. If you’ve watched Shiny Happy People, you’ve seen part of the story. But there are thousands of high-control Christian environments that shaped a generation — and I was in one of…
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Drafted: Boots on Holy Ground
Teenage Training for the Mission Field Drafted is the story of a girl who was told she was called, chosen, and set apart — before she even knew who she was. It’s about the rush of revival weekends, the pressure to be holy, and the slow, silent trade of identity for belonging. I grew up on the frontlines of teenage Christianity, armed with a Bible, a purity ring, and a deep need to be enough. If you’ve watched Shiny Happy People, you’ve seen part of the story. But there are thousands of high-control Christian environments that shaped a generation — and I was in one of them. Teen Mania Ministries. Acquire the…
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Drafted: Signed, Sealed, Sent — My Introduction to Teen Mania’s Global Expeditions
Drafted recounts a girl's journey through a high-control Christian environment, illustrated by her early experiences in Teen Mania Ministries. It reveals the pressures of holiness and belonging as she navigates spirituality, identity, and emotional suppression. Ultimately, the narrative explores reclaiming one’s true self amidst a culture of performative faith.
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Drafted: From Altar Calls to Enlistment
How Teen Mania’s Gospel of Urgency Shaped My Worth Drafted is the story of a girl who was told she was called, chosen, and set apart — before she even knew who she was. It’s about the rush of revival weekends, the pressure to be holy, and the slow, silent trade of identity for belonging. I grew up on the frontlines of teenage Christianity, armed with a Bible, a purity ring, and a deep need to be enough. If you’ve watched Shiny Happy People, you’ve seen part of the story. But there are thousands of high-control Christian environments that shaped a generation — and I was in one of them.…
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[thirty] + [six]
I am a classic enneagram two, the helper. Focusing on the comfort and needs of others has been my default for as long as I can remember. my birthday has been something that I have used to give myself some sort of permission to focus on myself. it’s the time when my brain tells me that it’s ok to think of myself first. being from a larger family made it hard to stand out. being the “good” kid made it even harder. but I know for sure that there was at least one day a year when it would be about me… my birthday. I had several amazing and memorable…