Lately I’ve been struggling to find something, anything to say. Some days I’ve felt like a fraud. I was filling out some application for something somewhere and it asked about what made my story unique. And it was then that I realized I stopped valuing my words… my influence… my story.
Maybe it is the comparison trap everyone talks about. or just feeling stuck. or inadequate. or that somehow my story wasn’t “sensational” enough. and I was taken back to the days of my bible school internship after high school. Classes, lectures, small groups… all encouraging you to write your personal testimony. Many people talked about lives riddled with drugs, sex, and abuse and some super emotional turning point where they came to know Jesus. And here I was some grossly naive 18 year old from Florida who grew up in church, never cussed, smoked, or drank… and had always known Jesus. I never felt lost, abused, or anything less than joyful. Sure, I had the typical teenager drama, but even that was muted. My story of redemption through Christ always seemed so… boring. average. mundane. And though I saw the pain and long lasting consequences that kind of life before Christ gave my friends, I envied them. It took me a long time to learn to own my story. because everyone’s is different.
but here I am back in that same boat. I look around at people who have lost 100lbs or more. and their story is sensational. their before and after is stunning. they lost it all in year and now they have wildly popular blogs and have been on tv and always look so perfect and fit. they have seemingly figured it all out. they have drool worthy recipes for healthy food, perfectly balanced with the right amount of cheats. they can eat burgers once a week and still maintain their goal weight. or maybe they figured out some life changing diet or unlocked the key to their food addiction or something else super sensational.
and here i am. i’m just an average girl. i was fat my whole life. and then i became a wife and a mom. and i was still fat. but i didn’t want to be. so i tried to lose weight. and if we are talking about numbers on a scale, my story isn’t impressive. the day i delivered my daughter (almost 5 years ago!) i weighed 250lbs.
After delivering a healthy 7 pound baby girl and all the fun that goes along with that, a few months later (April 2010) when I had my “aha” moment, I was around 235ish pounds.
Today, I weigh 201lbs. That is just 34lbs if you are judging my story by the scale. it doesn’t sound too impressive. Lots of people lose 30lbs. Most people do it over short period of time. It has been nearly 5 years. I just keep thinking… why is my story different? Why should people want to read about my story. I’m no different than anyone else. And then I realized… That’s what is special.
I am just like you.
I am a wife, mom, daughter, business owner… Trying to juggle too many things and feeling like I just can’t do it all. Because I can’t.
Because we can’t.
I don’t have any secrets to success because I still fail on the regular.
And when I get knocked down and find myself eating mini chocolate bars instead of that greek yogurt and protein shake, I don’t want someone to tell me what I should have done. Or how chocolate protein tastes just like a Reese’s (LIAR!)… I want someone to say I’ve been there too. And I got back up. Not because I felt guilty and ashamed… but because everybody has those imperfect moments.
What matters isn’t that you “fail” “mess up” “cheat” or whatever you want to call it.
What matters is that you keep trying, because you are worth it.
So, I may not have some sensational story. It has taken me 5 years to get here, and I feel like I’m still just beginning.
My Story Isn’t Special – but it is still worth telling.
And PS – The scale may only be 30-40lbs lighter… but I feel like a totally different person.
Tell Me About Your Story… Because it’s worth telling!
imperfectly courtney 
you are amazing!! Every story is worth telling & yours is just the beginning of something life changing!
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Some days that is hard to remember. Thanks for the reminder!!
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This struck a chord with me…such a beautiful, real post…because a beautiful, real woman wrote it…
You are unique and your story is magic…when Jesus is in your story, however mudane we think life can be…it’s not. It’s going to be a great adventure.
We should probably be friends. Because you’re fabulous.
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can we be friends? please?
this made my day. i’m going to stalk you on social media now.
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I have been there!! I’m the girl who failed the easiest program ever, Weight Watchers. You just have to get back up and keep going. Everyone fails, if they don’t then they’re doing something wrong.
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Failure is a great way to learn! Fall down seven get up 8!
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First of all, yes. You are worth it. And your journey is amazing, as is your story. Look at how far you have come!
Nothing in this life is easy. We all stumble and fall, every day. That’s how we learn and that’s how we overcome. If everything was simple, then nothing would be special at all.
Keep up the work. Be kind to yourself when you have setbacks and keep your eye on the prize. ❤
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Thanks, Jenn!
I’m learning more about the fact that nothing is easy. That’s a whole different post for a different day, lol.
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Awe, this is so great! I’ve felt the same way so many times. I almost think being a health or lifestyle blogger makes it even worse as our online field is SO crowded. It’s really hard for our blogs to stand out and it becomes really easy to then take that as a reflection on us personally. How about: we are not just our blogs! 🙂 Just like health is not just a number on the scale and fitness is not just the number of miles run and strength is not just the amount of weight you can lift. And our stories are more than the snippets we share online.
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Oh man, what a great truth. We are not our blogs. We are more than what we share. How true is that. Our world, or our online niche, is a loud one. But I believe being myself is better than exaggerating a story for Page views!
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And this is why I love your story and continue to follow you!! It’s real. Many of us won’t lose 100 lbs in a year and keep it off- I sure haven’t. I’ve lost 30 since the birth of my child and I would like to lose another 25, but I’d rather be strong and nutritionally healthy than skinny and miserable. That’s my story and my truth, it’s not sensational but it’s mine!! Keep on keeping on!! You keep me motivated
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I love that you own your story! I’m obviously still learning that. I agree being strong and healthy is so much better than being skinny and miserable. We are in this together. One day at a time, let’s crush it!
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Courtney, one of the main reasons I follow your blog is because you are real! You have a great story, and I can relate to you. I’m a mom too, with a million responsibilities and even though I don’t run a business anymore, I have 4 kids and a full time outside the home job- I always feel like I’m spinning my wheels. I love feeling like we’re in this together!
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Yes! I think that’s the biggest thing I need to remember – I’m not the only one. The reason I started this blog was because I couldn’t find anyone I related to when I first started trying to lose weight. I was committed to sharing the whole story, not the good parts. This is just another chapter. We can do this!
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oooh I just love you! I would hug you a hundred thousand times! Besides- our littles have the same name (different spellings) so OBVIOUSLY great minds think alike 🙂
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Not everyone needs to be special! I think that’s a rather new generational thing that’s come around in the past 10 years. I don’t find inspiration from people who quit their job and spend 5 hours a day exercising. That’s why I’ve never watched the Biggest Loser and don’t find those people inspiring, though I know some people do. I am inspired by people like me, who work full time, juggle school and maybe kids, and still manage to be healthy. You’re doing a great job!
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Thanks for the reminder! In this crazy tech world with everyone trying to make themselves stand out it’s hard to remember not everyone needs to stand out.
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I sort of have come to the realization that I pride myself on being “average”. That word has gotten such bad rap nowadays. Like a report card of all Cs would be bad. Average is bad. No… average is quite alright sometimes! If I was an average CrossFitter across the board in all the skills… I’d be extremely happy! Most people are just that, average. And that’s what makes them, us, me, you… extraordinary. Keep doing what you’re doing. Your story is special.
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