Oh, Hey there friends.
Sorry it’s been so long. The holiday had me away from the computer, and I didn’t fight it. We had family in town, did fireworks, went to Six Flags, had an awesome CrossFit For Hope Event that I’ll post about tomorrow, and went to the movies to see Lone Ranger (It was good… different, but good!)
Anyway, that’s not what I was going to talk to you about today. Today I want to talk about “that moment”
You know that moment you’ll probably remember forever. We have a lot of moments like that. From your first kiss, to your engagement/wedding, the birth of your children… and that time you fit into a pair of size 12 shorts.
I know it sounds crazy to add in that last one, but this journey for me has been a long one. I’ve seen a lot of NSVs (non-scale victories) and even some amazing victories on the scale, like hitting ONEderland. But despite all of those moments I still sometimes struggle to feel “normal” sized. My shape has changed dramatically but I still have rolls and bulges that make finding pants or shorts that fit a huge ordeal. Most times I go to look for shorts or jeans and come home with workout pants. When I really started this weight loss journey I was probably a 22. I wore my maternity clothes for a good long while after giving birth before giving in and buying some new jeans… size 20.
Most of my pre-pregnancy jeans were a tight 18. The smallest I remember being was a 14, freshman year of high school. Before that I didn’t really pay attention to sizes. I wore baggy oversized clothing to avoid the inevitable embarrassment of the dressing room. I remember being so envious of my friends who could just go shopping at the mall and buy whatever they wanted in their size and be done with it. I remember having to reach to the back of the rack for the largest size and pray that it would fit. I can’t even begin to imagine the things I stuffed my body into that probably looked horrible but I wore it anyway just because it zipped.
Sidenote/Newsflash: Just because it zips, doesn’t mean that it fits.
So, why is a size 12 so important to me? Because for me it is a huge breakthrough to know you are in a “normal” size. Many stores only carry up to 12 and start the “Plus” section at 14. Being a size 12 in my mind would equate to me being a more normal size. It may be weird, but it’s just how I felt about it.
Ahem, sorry. So a few weeks ago I went to gap and got some shorts that I was excited about because they fit. Some were 16’s and some were 14’s. I was able to wear the 16s no problem but the first day I wore the 14’s I thought they felt a little tight. I put them away for 2 weeks. I pulled them back out and to my surprise they fit and were comfortable! Say whhhhaaat.
I wore them all day and even around Six Flags. The hubs gave me several compliments and I knew gap was having a sale so I went back on Sunday to find another pair. I found some adorable pink ones but they only had size 16 and size 12. I immediately reached for the 16, out of habit. When we got in the dressing room I honestly prepared my heart for disappointment as I took the 12s off the hanger. I’ve tried smaller sizes and been let down far too many times to let myself get my hopes up that they would event get past my hips. One foot in… other foot in… pull them up…. and wooosh, they slide past my hips. I brace myself for the struggle to get the button anywhere near the button hole, but it lines up with ease.
Now they are still a bit more snug than I’m used to, but I didn’t feel uncomfortable in them. They were $10 so you can bet they came home with me.
I know this journey isn’t all about the scale and sizes and numbers, it’s about being healthy. But today meant something more to me than just a pant size. Today I started to see myself the way others have been seeing me for awhile. Losing weight isn’t just about losing weight, its about changing your own perception of who you are. Despite losing a significant amount of weight and being in the best shape of my life I still see myself as the fat girl. Today I was just another girl shopping for a pair of shorts. Please understand it wasn’t the size on the tag that changed that. It was just that moment that made me realize what I had been all along.
What are some of “those moments” for you?